Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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