Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
