i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
