I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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