i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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