One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
