So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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