He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
