She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
