Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
