Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize