He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
