oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
