Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And then he peed in my hair
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