At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's JV to your varsity
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
