nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
