Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
