I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
