so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
