I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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