i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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