i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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