God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
