HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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