i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i need to put some appletini on your dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
