i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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