he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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