Your face is a jimmy john
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
