so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
