If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
