Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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