Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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