I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
