i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
