and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
