he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
