I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
