I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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