And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
