Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
