We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
