I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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