By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
