IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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