those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
