I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
