Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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