my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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