I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
