I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want her autograph on my taint
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize