So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
