If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
