Screwed.edu
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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