O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize