I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
