It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
