some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
