Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just googled if crying burns calories
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
