i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
