I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
