If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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