after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
