The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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