dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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