So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
