I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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