Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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