Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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