I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
