I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize