Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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