it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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