You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
