wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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