I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Panties = found
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize