Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
