I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
