Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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