she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
