I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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