I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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