I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
