do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
