I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
