i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
