so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
