I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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