I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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