If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
