it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
