come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
