Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You smell like stripper and shame

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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

Fav 15 5069 1158
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(630): View more from Illinois

i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?

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(214): View more from Texas

If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.

Fav 13 3012 1013
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(612): View more from Minnesota

She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)

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