i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
