if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
