you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
