I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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