I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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