Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
