all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
